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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304190">hold on to me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yagamipda/pseuds/yagamipda'>yagamipda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Lowercase, M/M, POV First Person, POV Second Person, Pre-Game Amami Rantaro, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, pre-game kiibo, sortaaa, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:16:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>934</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yagamipda/pseuds/yagamipda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>i could die happy if i died knowing you loved me.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>K1-B0/Saihara Shuichi, pregame saiibo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hold on to me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>MMMMMMMMMM *overworked computer fan noise*</p><p>quarantine sucks and ive been writing a fuckload and my bf said this was good so im gonna post it this is kinnddaaaa a vent fic but not really idkidk i hope yall enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>everyone wants to die happy. </p><p>isn't the goal for a happy ending?</p><p>my heart can't stop pounding. i feel like i'm going to faint. </p><p>i look in your eyes, drinking in the pretty sky-blue color of your digital irises. </p><p>how lucky i am. i should have been the ultimate lucky student. </p><p>i wonder if they really do kill the contestants or if it's all a ruse. </p><p>i've heard it's real, and i don't know how to feel. everything that monokuma had said up until now corroborated that. i don't know if i'm just not in on what everyone else already knows. he wants us to kill each other, but… </p><p>i don't know if i truly believe it. i don't really think i care. </p><p>the way my heart thuds knowing i could die here with you… you, who has - had - a long life ahead of him, a creation so lovingly put on this world, who grew into his own person…</p><p>oh, i could throw up! </p><p>--</p><p>"saihara?"</p><p>i tilt the rim of my hat down. sweat and oil weighs my bangs down over my eyes. i feel the humid, sticky moisture clinging to my forehead. i could only hope you don't think i'm ugly. </p><p>"mm?"</p><p>"...are we going to die here?" you ask, your face crestfallen and scared. </p><p>i bite my tongue. i know what i want; i know i want to die here in your bed, surrounded by your neat blueprints, surrounded by carefully handwritten observations that only someone as smart and meticulous as you could craft. i could curl up and die, knowing that my sorry life as a shut-in and a murder fanatic had meaning after all. </p><p>"no," i lie, "i want to get out of here with you one day." my voice hurts my throat. my vocal cords feel taut and suffocating. </p><p>the slightly relieved smile on your pale face makes me weak in the knees, and if i hadn't been sitting down, i could've toppled over. </p><p>lucky, so lucky.</p><p>--</p><p>i find you with a knife to your throat.  </p><p>amami's panicked green eyes bore into yours. he sobs, croaking out apologies as he moves to dig the blade into the soft skin under your chin.</p><p>i shake my head furiously, snapping out of the sick trance i had been in. it kicks in fairly quickly, and i run before i can even think. </p><p>my scrawny body slams into amami's, and he topples over, me on top of him. i can feel saliva leaking from the corners of my mouth. no time for disgust. </p><p>no. no time for disgust. no time to be a coward.</p><p>"SAIHARA!" you scream out, and i glance at you. i grin, distracted by the dopamine high of seeing you unharmed, before i feel a numb cold pain in my side. it's sharp and freezing and makes me feel even more frantic than before. i glance down at where amami lies beneath me, tear-streaked and snotty face contorted in horror as he gasps out apologies. </p><p>i barely register that this is real. danganronpa, this killing game, the deaths… real, and raw. before, it could have been a lie, a convoluted act. a game. but it's all too real. the way i can taste my blood is all too real. </p><p>i snort at the realization, barely mustering out a chuckle, but it hurts too much. </p><p>you're screaming but i can't hear what you're saying. my ears are ringing.</p><p>survival instinct kicks in and i grab amami's throat. with strength i didn't know, i start crushing his windpipe. he weakly yanks the blade out of my side and i feel my breath catch. i slam down on his throat more. </p><p>he gurgles, sputtering, and goes unconscious. i keep the pressure on his neck before weakly getting to my feet and making my way over to where you sit in the grass. i can feel myself growing colder and colder. i glance down and barely register the irregular droplets trailing behind me. </p><p>i don't care if amami is alive or not. he's not going to hurt you now, and that's all that i care about. </p><p>i feel my knees shake and buckle, and im on the ground again. my god, my head is spinning.</p><p>"saihara!" you rush to me, trying to lift my weak body off the sticky grass. your eyes form no tears, but shine with grief. the pang in my chest seeing your sad eyes hurts almost as bad as the wound. you try to cover it with your gloved hand, pushing down, and i try not to whimper in pain. i don't want you to feel bad for hurting me. you're only trying to help…</p><p>i reach up and run my cold fingers across your cheek. </p><p>you can't form words, but you're curling in on yourself, your head almost on my chest. i can barely feel your hair brush under my chin as you tremble and sob. </p><p>"sorry, i… saihara i'm sorry, i…"</p><p>"aha, there's… nothing to be sorry for." i purr, stroking your back. my vision is blurring. </p><p>"there's nowhere i can take you, i- i can't stop the bleeding, god, FUCK!" </p><p>i recoil a bit. i can't help it, i've never heard you swear. </p><p>"it's okay, just… don't let go of me." i hiss out, shameless in my affections. "i don't want you to leave."</p><p>"i won't, i swear i won't…"</p><p>i keep my arms looped around your shoulders, and as you start to fade to black, clutching me tight in your trembling arms, all i can manage to think is, there's no place i'd rather be.</p>
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